Monday, August 6, 2012

Raspberry Chocolate Souffle

So, insomnia part two.
Insomnia is not your best friend...and unfortunately this not-so-best-friend has been visiting me often.
But instead of fighting it, I welcomed it in and asked it to play games with me.

Last night, we made a painting.

This painting as a lot of meaning to me actually. The music in the background is Claude Debussy's only string quartet in g minor. I chose specifically the 3rd movement of this four movement piece. The recording is below, and if you have just 9 minutes of your time and you need to be taken away, be taken away by this. If not, I suggest you to just stop at 5:10 and listen for just 10 seconds, to the most beautiful, heart-wrenching, tear inducing gosh.

Working on this all night compelled me to contact one of the members of the quartet to thank them for their contribution to great music. As a violin performance major and an avid chamber musician, this was something I truly treasured. I managed to find the first violinist and emailed him.

I was worried...did he want some kid bothering him? Had he forgotten about this recording? Is it rude for me to just email him out of the blue?

But his response was so wonderful that I knew that I had been right to show my gratitude. His kind words were so appreciative, I was so happy I could make him happy today.

Never be shy to tell someone about how great they are. It will always be worth it.


Saturday, August 4, 2012

German Chocolate Pie

My 2:30 am activities?
Sucking the seasoning off of honey roasted peanuts and doing insomnia-driven yoga.
All while listening to the Beatles.

Oh, darlin'.
Please believe me.
I'lllll neeeever dooooo ha-arrmmmmm.

Tell me all of the quirky things you do, loud and proud.


Chocolate Raspberry Cobbler

Every time I feel down, I turn on my some Coldplay and make myself dance for a few minutes.
Sometimes it turns to hours and I lose track of what I was supposed to be doing.
But it was time well spent :)

Coldplay. I love Coldplay.
Frank Sinatra works too.
So does Tchaikovsky's Souvenir de Florence, particularly the 3rd movement. Or how about the last two movements of Schumann's piano quintet?

Cheer up world, our lives are filled with good music!


Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Nutella and Sea Salt Fudge

Here is a story for anyone whose heart has hurt.

This 4th of July I saw these fireworks with somebody special.

I have mixed feelings about fireworks. They are so beautiful, so magnificent, so big and colorful and blinding...all these wonderful things that leave you mesmerized.

But then within seconds, they're gone.

Suddenly they're a memory.

I struggle; when they're being displayed all I can think of is capturing it all before they disappear. It becomes a stressful thing instead of a joyous experience.

This boy that took me to my first 4th of July fireworks show isn't part of my life anymore. Just like the fireworks, our relationship disappeared. Sucked into the sky. A big bang and then dying crackles and pops. 

There's something I need to learn though. Fireworks weren't meant to last. They were meant to create an amazing moment, and nothing more. Part of what makes them so special is their temporary existence; it's why you feel like you were treated to the most special show after it's over. It's great and then it ends. 

I can't lament after every firework that disappears. I can't force things that weren't meant to last to stay. But I can enjoy them while they last. I can adopt a childlike appreciation for everything and everyone around me and just be thankful that I got to see the fireworks in the first place. Then I can enjoy the moment, and when it's over, let it go.


Toasted Coconut Vanilla Limeade

I find it hard to walk through life without the constant pressure of negative thoughts.
For me, there is always the worry that things are not what they seem.

I do anything in my life and wonder if I should be practicing instead.
I practice and wonder if I'm not being the most efficient with my time.
I study at a great school that I'm lucky to attend, yet always wonder if it is truly the right match for me.
I write on this blog and I wonder if people will not like what I say.
I eat, and then I wonder if I could've eaten something healthier.
I study music and I wonder if I made a mistake not going into academics.
I perform, and I wonder if someone in the audience is frowning on my playing.
I go outside, and wonder if strangers don't like the impression I give them.
Most of all, I have constant worries that my friends are not truly on my side. That acquaintances secretly think lowly of me. That boyfriends may not love me as much as they say.

I live in a bubble of fear with every decision and action I make. With each day of my life, I hope I can get closer to discovering the reason why I feel this way. But for now, I hope I can bring a different perspective to myself and anyone who might feel these same pressures.

If we can't ignore these constant negative thoughts, how could we ever enjoy the present? We can't just rely on waiting for the present to be over, evaluated, and deemed good or bad in order to appreciate the things that happen in our life. Imagine a day when you wore what you wanted, said what you wanted, ate what you wanted, did what you wanted, and smiled the whole way. I've lived that day before and it is glorious! And believe it or not, people will be attracted to your freedom.

But it's hard. At least for me. It takes endurance and faith that life was meant to be good and that you were meant to be loved.

Here's a challenge:
Just for a day, go outside and just be you. If "you" is not sculpted yet, do it that day. Do it for yourself, and no one else. I dare you.

"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." - Unknown (not Albert Einstein!)